I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I believe in your delicious
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
