Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
