how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
