come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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