actually, I'm a sock model
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
