He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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