What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
