Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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