My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
