he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
