I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
