Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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