onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
