Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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