I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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