Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
