Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
