i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
