This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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