you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
