I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
