my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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