WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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