Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
