I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
