My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
