I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
