so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
