Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
