Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
