I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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