next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
