how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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