Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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