Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
