Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
