dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A+ Viking dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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