he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
