I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
