Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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