Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
