I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
