I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
