Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
