Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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