best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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