I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
