Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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