he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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