Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
