we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
