I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
