Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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