apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my poor anus
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
