Christians are straight up FREAKS
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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