Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
